Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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