So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Need sex. Gaining weight.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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