I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
