We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she peed on how many people?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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