my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
