arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
