farters have to be the big spoon...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
