i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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