Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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