Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sorry about my life...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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