I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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