also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
