He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
