the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
