But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
