I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
