Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
