Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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