remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
