i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
