I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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