im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
