Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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