I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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