I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it's like iHOP with fire
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
