That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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