Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
