I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
