You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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