do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
