she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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