I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
