I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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