so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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