i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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