Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
