I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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