I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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