Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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