You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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