ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
