He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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