I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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