First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
