I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
