apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
