there was a trapeze. enough said
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
