Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
