I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
