I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
